A Very Merry Watchman Christmas
by shoeychocolatXD
Summary: what happens when i get the watchman together for the hollidays crazyness ensues! not really any slash just kissin under the mistletoe
1. Chapter 1

i do not own watchmen although if i did i would totally own Matthew Goode's version of adrian Viedt cuz hello, sexy beast right there, anyway, dc comics and alan moore own them

Me: hello and welcome to the first installment of a very merry watchmen christmas, if they all show up!

Ozymandias: im here

Me: yeah but you seem to be the only one

Ozymandias: Well if you don't enjoy my company I will just leave

Me: NOOOOOOOOO, you can't leave until we get festive, I have to hang the mistletoe and give Rorschach a bath

Ozymandias: How is giving Rorschach a bath festive

Me: It will be my gift to all of you

POOF

Dr. Manhattan: Dr. Manhattan in the house

Me: Well hello sir. Have you come to help me in my Christmas festivity?

Dr. Manhattan: No actually I want the free food

Me: Well too bad, you are in charge of getting the others here, and then you get free food

Dr. Manhattan: All the fruit cake I want?

Me: Suuuuuuuuuuure

Ozymandias: What am I supposed to do?

Me: (Smiles evilly) you are gonna help me with the mistletoe

Ozymandias: Oh no, why does this sound like a bad idea

Me: because I take to the tradition really well

Ozymandias: Uhhhhh, you are not gonna kiss me are you?

Me: For the smartest man in the world you sure are dumb

Ozymandias: Im gonna run away now

Me: JON (snaps fingers)

POOF

Ozymandias: How did I get tied to this chair?

Nite Owl: (looks around confused) Laurie?

Silk Spectre: Daniel

Me: Hey where is Rorschach

Dr. Manhattan: Can I get my fruit cake now?

Nite Owl: Hey look mistletoe

Silk Spectre: oooooh, yeah

Ozymandias: What are you the kool aid man?

Me: I've got an idea, Jon, did you hang the mistletoe by any chance

Dr. Manhattan: I gave Rorschach a bath too

Rorschach walks into doorway im standing in, wearing nothing but a white towel and looks around

Rorschach: What?

Ozymandias: First off you are standing there naked; second off you are standing there naked in a doorway under mistletoe with a crazed fan girl

Rorschach: Oh god

Me: Finally this party is getting fun!

Starts making out with him

Breaks for air

Makes out with him again

Dan and Laurie join in making out on their own

Dr. Manhattan: So, while they are preoccupied why don't we…

Ozymandias: I don't swing that way blue boy

Dr. Manhattan: Ohh, well I thought because it never said in the movie or the novel…

Ozymandias: well I do like women and frankly I have a girlfriend so even if I did I wouldn't kiss you

Dr. Manhattan: Who is she?

Ozymandias: None of your business

Dr. Manhattan: Well excuse me. How come I never see you with a woman?

Ozymandias: YOU SPY ON ME

Dr. Manhattan: No, I just sit in your house invisible some times

Ozymandias: When do you do that?

Dr. Manhattan: Every time you are there

Ozymandias: How about when I am not there

Dr. Manhattan in your car or office and sometimes in your bathroom

Ozymandias: I wondered why my toilet paper glowed blue.

Dr. Manhattan: well now you can quit wondering.

Ozymandias: Oh, god just help me

Dr. Manhattan: He can't

Ozymandias: just untie me! (Gets up and starts to walk away)

I finally break for air again

Me: hey, are you leaving before we break out the eggnog?

Ozymandias: Oh I love eggnog! (Sits back down)

Silk Spectre: you are always hungry

Ozymandias: Well it fuels my expananchly gargantuan brain

Silk Spectre: You bother me sometimes

Ozymandias: Oh go jump in a lake

Silk Spectre: You would like that wouldn't you

Ozymandias: Yes, yes I would

Nite Owl: just shut up and enjoy the eggnog

Hands Rorschach a cup

Nite Owl: You might want to get some clothes on

Me: Why, if he wants to go around naked, let him, he wouldn't be the first naked person to show up at my house

Rorschach: Exactly, wait, what?

Me: ok just go, I have some clothes in the guest bedroom, you seem to be about my height, im sorry to say you might have to cope with woman jeans and a lime green shirt

Rorschach: Oh god (leaves to get clothes)

Me: (smiles evilly again), oh Adrian, come here

Ozymandias: Um ok

Me: Jon you too

Jon floats over to me I step out of the doorway

Silk Spectre and Nite Owl: HA HA HA

Me: time for the celebration to begin

Ozymandias: oh

Dr. Manhattan: (grabs Adrian and starts making out with him, never breaking for air because he doesn't have to!)

Rorschach: (walks in brushing his red hair, sees the two and stares)

Me: (smiles because I got the whole thing on camera)

To readers,

I spiked the eggnog so I don't think that they would mind if i posted this. If you want a mistletoe kiss with any of them (including Rorschach because he is a very Very happy drunk) then just message me and maybe tomorrow you can get a kiss (smiles evilly) with any of them!


	2. Chapter 2

Part two time!

Me: WAKE UP!

Gets the foghorn and blows it as close to Ozymandias' ears as I possibly can

Ozymandias: im up im up, wait where am i?

Silk Spectre: and why are Dan and I naked?

Me: you are at my house and I haven't got the faintest idea why you are naked

Nite owl: what did we do last night?

Rorschach: guys there is an elephant in the kitchen

Ozymandias: that is physically impossible. Where would we have gotten the elephant and how could we have gotten it in here?

Dr. Manhattan: uhh that would be my fault

Me: I told you three times Jon, DON'T ZAP AN ELEPHANT IN MY HOUSE!

Rorschach: alright, you better tell us what happened last night or I will start breaking some fingers

Me: if you break my fingers I won't give you your Christmas present.

Rorschach: YOU LIE no one gets me Christmas presents

Me: I did. I got you all Christmas presents

Mumph mumph mumph

Silk Spectre: what the H-E- double hockey sticks is that.

Dr. Manhattan: really Laurie? You have to say that. Just say hell and get it over with.

Me:*looks up* uhh Jon? Did you tape the comedian to the ceiling?

Dr. Manhattan: maybe!

Silk Spectre: YOU TAPED MY DAD TO THE CEILING!

Me: alright, get him down. We need to open presents now.

Nite Owl: I will pass them around.

Me: ok thank you Danny

Nite Owl: Rorschach. You have one from me, one from Laurie, one from Kay….

Rorschach: wait who is Kay?

Me: IM KAY

Rorschach: OH KAY!

Me: watch it or I will break your fingers

Rorschach: yes ma'am

Me: good, now you where saying

Turns to Dan and waves him on

Nite Owl: well I think Rorschach got all of his

Ozymandias: nope he has one from me too. You all have one from me. They are out in the driveway. I even have one for Kay.

We all start to file out into the driveway

Sitting in the driveway are 6 different cars.

Me: AHHHHHH OH MY GOD YOU DIDN'T!

Ozymandias: but I did

The Comedian: I got a black hummer? I didn't think you liked me that much.

Silk Spectre: oh my god, a yellow KIA soul?

Rorschach: can't take this. Why A white ford f150?

Nite Owl: COOL a brown T bird. The best car ever!

Dr. Manhattan: what is mine? I don't think it has come out on the market yet?

Me:…

Ozymandias: don't you like yours Kay?

Me…..

Stares in shock at my ASTON MARTIN! THE SAME KIND USED IN JAMES BOND!

Me: I think I may love you

Ozymandias: ok now that everyone has gotten my present. We should go in and get everyone else's presents.

Silk Spectre: ok this isn't fair. How can you beat giving a car?

Me: well, I don't see how but I know everyone will be happy with what they get from who they get it from.

We all trickle in to my living room. After all the presents are handed out we start to open them.

Me: hey a Christmas sweater. What is this a zombie Santa? Thank you Rorschach I love it?

Let the record show I actually would love it and I am not just being nice.

Ozymandias: nice. A purple cashmere sweater with gold trimming? How did you get this Rorschach?

Rorschach: made it

Ozymandias: it is perfect.

Nite Owl: thank you for the owl sweater

Silk Spectre: and the black and yellow one

Dr. Manhattan: mines a little bit long don't you think?

He puts it on and it goes to his knees

The comedian: I like it, it fits you perfectly. And thanks for the red sweater with the smiley faces.

Me: lets open mine next.

Nite Owl: well…, An owl plushie. Thank you

Rorschach: can of beans? Why plushies?

Me: you all get plushies

Ozymandias: aww a little bubastias

The comedian: is this who I think this is

Me: yup, sally Jupiter, it is even complete with some….extra modifications.

Dr. Manhattan: an electric blue dog?

Silk Spectre: Uhhhhh what is mine?

Me: a giant squid

The comedian: it looks like the one Ozy used to blow up New York with

Ozymandias: it was not a squid, it was an octipus

The comedian: what ever. Ok mine next

Ozymandias: Guns really?

The comedian: Hey? It wasn't cheap getting them.

Nite Owl: we all got the same gun

Me: except for me. I got a 357 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. Do you feel lucky punks, well do Ya?

The comedian: Haaa….Dirty Harry reference.

Nite Owl: ooh ooh mine next

Me: ok Danny's next

Nite Owl: I got you all books. I didn't have time to wrap them so here ya go. Kay, you get all of the cirque du freak series

Me: cool

Nite Owl: Laurie, twilight for you.

Silk Spectre: aww I love you Daniel

Nite Owl: love ya too babe, Adrian, you get the complete works of Shakespeare

Ozymandias: the only books I didn't have

Nite owl: Jon, you get a physics book

Dr. Manhattan: terrific

Nite Owl: Eddie, I don't see any books in your repertoire, so I got you a pin up poster

The Comedian: I couldn't find this one of Sally in the Mrs. Santa suit at all, where did you find it?

Nite Owl: *cough* Hollis *cough*…..Rorschach I don't see you with books either so I got you a sweater.

Rorschach: Daniel, you shouldn't have.

Me: is that the same fabric as his mask?

Nite Owl: yes but it is winterized

Me: Jon you are next

Dr. Manhattan: I got you guys the elephant that is still in the kitchen

Me: cheap bastard

Dr. Manhattan: what did you say?

Me: nothing, ok I guess that leaves you Laurie

Silk Spectre: Well I didn't know what to get you so I got you all DVDs. I hope you like them.

Me: OH MY GOD all of the seasons of George Lopez. GREAT

Ozymandias: ive never seen these movies

Me: let me see

He got pretty much all the Matthew Goode movies ever made (besides watchmen of course)

Rorschach: all of the Dexter episodes?

Nite owl: an owl documentary and what is this?

Silk Spectre: a special movie for your eyes only.

Me: it better not be watched at my house or else!

Nite owl and Silk Spectre: OK.

Silk Spectre: I got these special for you dad

She hands him all of the Clint Eastwood movies

The Comedian: great

Ozymandias: who is this Matthew Goode character?

Me:…

I stare at him in shock

ONLY THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE HELLO!

Dr. Manhattan: ONLY THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE HELLO!

Me: Hey I just thought that

Dr. Manhattan: and I just said it

The Comedian: are you gay?

Dr. Manhattan: possibly,

The Comedian: then stay away from me

Dr. Manhattan: it isn't you im interested in

He Looks straight at Adrian

Me: ooooooooo kkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy

Dr. Manhattan: actually I got you something Kay

Hands me the entire saw movie series

Me: I am completely happy now, thank you all. Tomorrow we will have a Christmas dinner. Oh yeah and before I forget I promised some special ladies a special kiss

Female Rorschach: Kay im nervous, I have never been near him before

Me: oh come on you know you want to.

Rorschach: who is that angel?

Looks right at Female Rorschach

Me: a fan girl come to kiss you. Pucker up

Pushes him toward her

Female Rorschach:*blushes* hi

Rorschach: *blushes back* hello

They kiss for a while

Me: I think intheloveleydarkness wants a turn

Intheloveleydarkness: yeah I do

Rushes up to him, grabs his hair, and plants a very long kiss (complete with tongue) on the poor man

Intheloveleydarkness: that was amazing

Runs to the kitchen, Jumps on top of the elephant and rides through my wall into the sunset

Me: don't you just love it when there is a happy ending!

Ok readers. What do you want for Christmas? And just so Ya know. I would love all of the gifts I have been given. YAY tomorrow we dine.


End file.
